I am sick. Snotty, green-nosed, hack up a lung sick. It’s a genuine mystery, how feeling like crap permeates every neuron of the body, particularly the brain cells, which I am pretty sure have started to atrophy.
I reach for a thought, strain to think and…nothing happens. The synapses have lost their connectivity to a viral influenza blocker. I think I can make a case for another conspiracy theory-biological warfare is at hand!
Wikipedia, my favorite source of mostly true information, defines this germ warfare as the deliberate use of disease causing biological agents such as protozoa, fungi, bacteria, protists, or viruses, that kill and incapacitate humans. Biological weapons (often referred to as bioweapons) are living organisms or replicating entities (virus) that reproduce or replicate within their host victims.
This is high–tech warfare masquerading as sneezes, a strategic malaise allowing the perpetrator to gain a tactical advantage over their adversary.
And I am pretty sure I know the little terrorist who got me sick. My neighbor’s daughter, a bouncing baby girl about ten months old had all the signs of mal-intent. The green nose, the distinct seal bark cough, watery eyes, and a grumpy demeanor.
The baby infiltrator grabbed my own tot’s toys and polluted them. It was stealth-like and swift. Within forty-eight hours, my baby showed signs of infection, and a few days later the whole house has been taken out.
So here I am, left to wither and decay on the sofa…watching chick movies and scarfing down Dayquil and Robitussin.
If other countries are out to get us, each time another family goes down, annihilated by germs and misery, than they have succeeded in making us a tad more lethargic and stupid. If you multiple my lazy and weakened state, you have a whole country of sick idiots watching The Devil Wears Prada and Legally Blonde Part II, instead of being productive and contributing members of society.
If I get any brain function back soon…I will begin the search for real answers to what could become a national pandemic. But until then, I think I saw a rerun of When Harry Met Sally on TBN that might just be the best medicine of all.
Related Articles
- Biological Warfare (socyberty.com)
- Pharmaceuticals Face Biological Warfare (online.wsj.com)
- Clinical Pharmacologist: Dr. David Kelly May Have Been Suicided (grantlawrence.blogspot.com)
