People keep asking my husband and me if we are knocked up yet. I’d bemoan the lack of modern civility but since I did post our intent to procreate to the entire internet universe –I might have to own this one and take the hit.
So, in all honesty I’m a little conflicted now about birthing another child.
After our recent miscarriage and the most difficult season of parenting I have ever experienced, another baby –even a blond chubby cheeked cutie –represents a future teenager. And it’s enough for me to hide any atrophied eggs at age thirty-nine I have left when my husband gets that gleam in his eye.
We sensed God telling us to try for another munchkin and we obediently tried. It didn’t work. So my thinking is maybe the whole scenario might simply be about listening to God and following his direction. PERIOD. And maybe this is where it ends.
Maybe tragedy can also be MERCY and maybe it doesn’t have to make sense.
Might I need a new equation?
God+ direction=obedience
(Results not guaranteed)
Sometimes the Christian life doesn’t lead to happily ever after and little bow tied Jabez-y blessings.
What if God is more interested in my knowing him and following him than the places and circumstances he leads me to?
They say life is about the journey and not the destination. I think it’s about staying on the heels of the trail guide no matter where he takes you.
I think Jesus is more interested in us saying YES to him when he calls, but it doesn’t guarantee what we say yes to will ever come to fruition.
And isn’t this the mystery, frustration and beauty of the Christian life?
