My husband bought me a very special swimsuit for our honeymoon cruise in the Mediterranean-one very hot yellow polka dot bikini. It has cute little strings that tie on my hips and I feel like a sassy and mischievous gal when I squeeze into it. Now, I am not claiming to be a supermodel, but my husband clearly expressed his approval with a large goofy smile whenever I dug those polka-dots out of the drawer.
That is, until we started a church and all of a sudden he became very concerned with covering up his wife’s bodacious bosom and abdominals. Apparently pastor’s wives should wear modest and conservative (translation-old lady) tank suits. But, what’s a girl to do when her mammary offering turns even the ugly tank into a sexy piece of spandex?
The truth is I don’t have a modest bod! I am, shall we say…curvy. Every summer we hit the bathing suit store and my husband hopes I will find an appropriate suit to hide my bosum and every year he leaves frustrated. At this point, I am relegated to a t-shirt for all church events, because the ta ta’s have gone underground. Apparently, I am somehow less spiritual in my wanton state of voluptuousness. (Heeee)
If I have painted a picture of immodesty, I have been misleading. In general, my dress is very conservative and unassuming. My daily wardrobe is professional and streamlined. I don’t want my clothes to ever distract from the message, but I also conversely, don’t feel a need to hide my body as something to be ashamed of.
Modesty is a confusing road to navigate to begin with. I want to be fashionable and express myself with clothes. But, I also understand the premise of not tempting men (deeply visual creatures), who apparently have a nerve that runs from their eyes to their loins. But when the same men who tell me to cover up walk around with their shirts off at the pool it seems like a serious double standard. At the very least, let me wear the tank suit without a burka.
Not so long ago, I remember a day when the folks in high school ministry used to call my husband a Ken-doll because his body looked like a sculpted piece of art. And I don’t recall him hiding those luscious biceps to protect the eyes of women behind a t-shirt (Praise the Lord)). To his benefit, he does wear one now at church baptisms and pool events, so I can’t argue that he asks me to do something he is not willing to do.
As a pastor’s wife, I want to be above reproach, but as a woman I also want to have the freedom to wear a bikini when the congregant’s eyes aren’t boring a hole into my choice of swimwear. So for now, I will compromise with tanks and a t-shirt for all church events near water, and I’ll let the bikini out of the drawer for vacations alone with my honey (hubba hubba).
This is where I think the church has ambiguity and difficulty encapsulating the problem of lust, modesty and male/female interaction. Is the answer to pornography shrouding women? Do our daughters need to be dressed like the Amish for our boys to not treat them like sexual objects? Is there some sort of middle ground regarding modesty for women and personal responsibility for men?
Maybe someday we can move beyond the superficial and allow a modest two piece bathing suit on a woman to not cause a stir. Because isn’t it all just a fig leaf to God?
