My husband mentors a group of twenty-something guys courageously trying to do dating different. Fortunately in God’s economy, as much as Tim pours into dater dudes, they in turn flood our lives with uproarious laughter through daily text updates on their awesome dating adventures/catastrophes. I adore these guys and I love how they make my husband light up like a Christmas tree.
So, I was talking to one of the dater guys at church the other day debating over how much looks should be a part of the process of his dating selection. And as the conversation heated up, I felt myself getting agitated by his blatant bias towards beauty. Just as I began to climb up onto my soapbox and really lay into him- I got the nudge.
From the Holy Spirit that is.
And a vision of my own shallowness in the dating realm nipped at my toes.
“Really Jesus? Now? I’m chewing him out so well.”
Yep. Now is a good time Sam.
Right. Deep breath.
So I fessed up. I admitted I used to be a sucker for ripped abs and Tim had me at six-pack.
Dater guy looked at me with a puzzled expression.
Here I am busting his balls for dating hot chicks and yet one of the reasons I (initially) liked my guy was because he made me weak in the knees.
Dater guy looked at me weird. “Pastor Tim? Pastor Tim was fierce?”
Tim walked up then. He rolled his eyes. “Is she telling you about how fabulous my abs used to be?”
Dater guy nodded his head yes.
And then Tim ratted me out. “She isn’t exactly the same woman I married either.”
OUCH!
Ok, maybe I’ve let myself slide a little. Ok, a lot.
“Isn’t the fact that I used to be hot, enough dear?”
We laughed on the way home, because we love each other deeply and for way more than just the looks department.
But it made me think about how once we got married and oh so comfortable; we began to let ourselves go –one mystic tan and protein shake at a time. I guess, since we already bagged the love of our life, it was a relief to stop the madness of trying so hard to be uber attractive. It’s much more fun to relax on the sofa holding hands with a bag of Doritos and some Girl Scout Cookies.
But how far is too far? Have I gone too far? Clearly…I might need to shower more because exhausted mommy with baby poop on her isn’t doing it for my man. (This was revealed to me on the way home)
So what is a good balance between apathy and relational confidence? Between showing your spouse you care enough to be attractive and yet not overdoing it to get outside attention?
So I came up with a test.
1. Do you shower most days?
a. Yes +10 b. No -15 c. Define most? -5
2. Is alcohol or chocolate one of your food groups?
a. Yes -10 b. No +10 c. Does chocolate covered bacon count? -5
3. Do you wear clean underwear?
a. Yes +20 b. No -50 c. Are you talking about the days I shower? -25
4. Do your pajamas have sock monkeys on them?
a. a. Yes -10 b. No +10 c. The sock monkey is in the pajamas +25
5. Ok Ladies…Are you within 10 lbs of your honeymoon weight?
a. Yes +10 b. No -10 c. Does my honeymoon weight include my wedding dress? -25
6. Hey Dudes? Are you still sporting a mullet?
a. Yes -10 b. No +10 c. I’d love to have a mullet because it would mean I had hair! -25
7. Have you had a pedicure in the last six months?
a. Yes +10 b. No -10 c. Is it a problem if I rip sheets with my toe-nails? -25
8. Is lingerie a foreign word in your marriage?
a. Yes -10 b. No +10 c. Does my husband’s V-neck t-shirt with pit stains count? -25
9. Is your idea of a hot date going to Costco and eating samples for dinner?
a. Yes -25 b. No +25 c. Splurged on the ice-cream on the way out +10
10. Do you get moderate exercise?
a. Yes +50 b. No -25 c. Men-if your primary wardrobe consists of sweet muscle shirts and you drive your Camaro to the gym twice a day -50 Ladies-does Gymboree with my toddler count? -25
Results:
Below 0=You might need a marriage makeover
1-80 = Soft in the middle…but on your way.
81 + = Keep Rocking it!
*Sidenote* Sam got +75 and Tim got -25 (must have been the Camaro that took him out)
